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08 January 2007 @ 04:14 pm
Episode Ten, Act One - "Down to Zero"  
Act One

Daytime - Formans' Kitchen

Red is sitting, eating some breakfast. Kitty has just finished pouring coffee for herself and seems jumpy (from the previous scene).

RED : What's wrong with you?

KITTY : What? (looks around, laughing)

RED : You! You're all... twitchy.

KITTY : I am... not. I'm... (she holds the coffee up) It's the coffee, Red.

RED : But you just poured that cup.

KITTY : You see! (she waves her hands) It's awful, and and I'm just going to stop right now! (she pours the coffee down the sink and walks through the living room door)


Daytime - The Basement

Eric & Hyde are on the couch, waiting for Jackie. Finally, Eric stands up.

ERIC : Hurry up!

JACKIE : God, no wonder Donna complains about you. All you do is want things fast and quick! (Jackie comes out of Hyde's room, perfectly dressed, and walks over to Hyde)

HYDE : You sleep okay? (she sits on his lap)

JACKIE : Yeah, thanks Steven. (she kisses him)

HYDE : Good, 'cuz you're outta here. (he pushes her off him)

JACKIE : Whoa whoa whoa. Steven, you said I could stay here.

HYDE : Look, Jackie, you've got to find a real place to stay. You know Red's not gonna let you move in.

ERIC : Or me.

HYDE : Or Eric.

JACKIE : Ugh. This is so stupid! (Fez comes through the basement door) Where am I going to find a place to stay?

FEZ : Oh I see. I am good for finding you a job, but not for finding you a bed?

HYDE : You better re-word that, man.

It's quiet. Fez looks upset, and Jackie, Hyde, & Eric just watch him for a few beats.

ERIC : Fez, are you... oh... waiting for us to say, "But Fez" so you can storm out of here? Because you didn't, you know, say that part that goes before it. (beat) So... um... yeah.

Fez still looks upset. Eric looks at Hyde & Jackie, who both shrug.

HYDE, JACKIE, & ERIC : (reluctantly) But, Fez...

FEZ : I said good-day! (grins triumphantly at them, and passes Donna on his way out)

DONNA : Okay, what the hell did I just miss?

ERIC : Nothing, nothing. So, did you do it?

DONNA : Yeah.

JACKIE : Do what?

DONNA : I gave them my notice at the radio station. It sucks, you know? I love it there. I'm "Hot Donna". I got to meet all these cool people and have my own show. But, we're going to college so... it's not like I can take the radio station with me.

HYDE : What're you gonna do, then?

DONNA : I don't know. I guess I'll see if UW has a campus radio that I could work at. That would be pretty cool. (beat) In the meantime, they're looking for someone else to take over my spot. I told them I'd even train whoever they ended up hiring.

ERIC : That was nice of you.

DONNA : Yeah. (beat) They better not hire some stupid whore like last time.

JACKIE : Whatever, Donna. You are moving away to someplace better than Point Place, with your whole life practically planned out. And what do I have? Nothing!

HYDE : Hey!

JACKIE : (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, except for you babe.

HYDE : That's better.


WFPP Radio station, daytime

Donna arrives at work, looking relaxed. Max, the station manager walks into the room from another door.

MAX : Donna! Perfect timing. I just finished my interview with our new employee, and was just about to give her a tour.

DONNA : I can do that. (she shrugs) Might as well start showing her the ropes, right?

MAX : Exactly. Although I gotta tell you that it seems like she's been here for years.

The door Max used opens. Into the room walks a tall, pretty blonde in a Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

MAX : Donna, I'd like you to meet Shawna, your replacement. Shawna, this is the great DJ we're unfortunately losing, WFPP's own "Hot Donna".

SHAWNA : (offering a hand) Oh wow, Hot Donna. I'm such a fan.

DONNA : (shocked, but takes the hand) Um, yeah. Great, thanks.

Shawna has almost the exact same voice and mannerisms as Donna.

SHAWNA : It's a real honor. Maybe one day I'll get to be just like you.

MAX : (almost aside) You're off to a great start. (clears his throat) Okay, and now that we're all familiar, I'll leave you lady-- um, ladies-- to get better acquainted.

Max leaves. Donna and Shawna stand there staring at each other.

DONNA : Okay... we'll start with a tour of the place?

SHAWNA : That's cool.

DONNA : (turning toward the door) I'll show you where the ladies' room is first. I don't know about you, but I've always got to know where that is before anything else.

SHAWNA : Oh, me too.

DONNA : (deadpan) You don't say.


Fez' apartment, daytime

No one is visible, but we hear Fez in the kitchen, singing.

FEZ : (offscreen) At the Copa, Copacabana... Music and passion were always in fashion at Copa--

Fez comes out of the kitchen, carrying a stack of movie theater-style candy and a giant soda.

FEZ : Copacabanaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

A knock at the door. Fez grumbles and answers it. Hyde is there with an unhappy-looking Jackie.

FEZ : Yes? And it better be good, I've got five pounds of candy calling my name.

HYDE : Jackie has something to say, don't you Jackie?

Jackie opens her mouth, but tries to run instead. She turns, but Hyde grabs her by the shoulders and turns her back around.

HYDE : Jackie...

JACKIE : No! I won't do it.

HYDE : It's this or the Y.

JACKIE : What's the Y?

HYDE : It's like a hotel, but where there's no room service. Or housekeeping. Or walls between the bedrooms. Or bedrooms.

JACKIE : (terrified, it comes out almost as one word) Fez, I want to move in and be your roommate!

FEZ : (smugly) Well, then come in, come in. How the burn has turned.

Hyde and Jackie enter and sit on the couch.

HYDE : Actually Fez, it's-- no, that actually kinda works.

JACKIE : Are we done? Have I humiliated myself enough for one day?

FEZ : Not even close. I must devise some sort of test for you, some way to prove that you really want to stay here.

Hyde stands from the couch and claps Fez on the shoulder.

HYDE : (to Fez) Well, you kids have fun. Fez, just remember: if this test involves embarrassment, you better call me. But if it involves nudity, or Jackie having to provide you any kind of personal favor? I'm going to kick your ass so hard you'll lose your accent.

FEZ : Understood.

HYDE : (to Jackie) You play nice with Fez. I'll grab your stuff from Forman's.

Hyde exits, leaving Fez and Jackie alone. Fez rubs his hands and laughs maniacally. Unimpressed, Jackie takes some of his chocolate.


Formans' basement, daytime

Nobody down there. Hyde is heard in his room, struggling with something.

HYDE : (offscreen) Dammit... get in there! (etc)

Kitty comes down the stairs and hears him.

KITTY : Steven?

Hyde exits his room with a giant plastic trash back slung over one shoulder. It's full to bursting, and he's huffing and puffing. He sees Kitty and nearly drops the bag.

HYDE : Mrs. Forman! Um... Hi.

KITTY : Steven, what are you doing? (she sees the bag) OH MY GOD, that's not Jackie in there, is it?

HYDE : (shocked) What? No! What? No!

He lowers the bag and holds it open for her.

HYDE : Jackie agreed to move in with Fez, so I'm getting her stuff out of here before Red sees it.

Kitty takes a deep breath and calms down.

KITTY : Sorry about that. Red was having just a little too much fun watching one of those "true crime" documentaries on PBS.

Hyde nods and hauls the bag back up onto his shoulder with a grunt.

KITTY : Oh, Steven, are you sure you can handle all that?

HYDE : Oh, yeah. The stuffed animals just make it bulky. Although all the cans of hairspray and the three boxes of jewelry are kind heavy.

Red comes down the stairs.

RED : Come on, Kitty, you're missing the crime scene photos-- (sees Hyde) Steven, you'd either better be taking over for Santa or have a damn good explanation.

HYDE : I'm... taking out the trash?

RED : And I'm Ho Chi Minh. Try again, dumbass.

KITTY : You caught us! Steven was just taking some of the kids' old toys to the Goodwill!

RED : (exasperated) Strike two.

HYDE : Um...

RED : Okay, answer me this-- is there beer in there?

HYDE : No.

RED : Is there dope?

HYDE : (under his breath) I wish.

RED : What did you say?

HYDE : I said no.

RED : Is your annoying girlfriend that's been sleeping in your room for the last few days in there?

Stunned silence.

HYDE : (finally) No.

RED : Good enough.

He goes back upstairs, leaving a shellshocked Kitty and Hyde.


WFPP radio station, daytime

Shawna is in the studio, out with all the records while a DJ is seen in the booth, on the air. Shawna is putting records back onto shelves when Donna enters the room. Throughout the scene, they mirror each other's movements without thinking.

DONNA : Hey, Shawna. How's the first day of work so far?

SHAWNA : It's been great. This is a really cool job. Do you mind if I ask you a question?

DONNA : No, go ahead.

SHAWNA : Well... like I said, it's a cool job. Why are you leaving?

DONNA : I'm transferring to U of W next semester, so I'm moving.

SHAWNA : That's great! I can't wait to go to college.

DONNA : Oh, are you saving up for tuition?

SHAWNA : No, I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to make up his mind about what he wants to do with his life.

DONNA : I hear you. (she looks around) Organizing records. Yeah, they had me doing that first day, too. I had to come up with a whole new system, the place was such a mess. (notices her pile of records) Oh, no-- Aerosmith goes over here. Allman Brothers go over there.

SHAWNA : Well, actually, I redid the shelves. This system makes it a lot easier for the DJ's to get the most popular songs first.

DONNA : (annoyed) Oh. Yeah, well, since you're the one who'll be working here, that's cool. I'm gonna go get some coffee. Want some?

SHAWNA : Yeah, cool.

Donna shakes her head as she leaves. Shawna goes back to organizing records. Eric walks into the room while her back is turned.

ERIC : Hey, there's my sexy girlfriend!

Eric walks up and grabs two handfuls of Shawna's butt. She screams, turns and slaps him.

SHAWNA : Pervert!

ERIC : Donna, what the hell?

SHAWNA : I'm not Donna, you dillhole!

ERIC : What the HELL?

Donna comes running in.

DONNA : Shawna, what's all the-- Eric, what's going on?

SHAWNA : This is Eric? Well, your boyfriend just walked in and grabbed my ass!

DONNA : (smacks him) You dillhole!

ERIC : (looks from one to the other, completely lost) WHAT THE HELL?!

Hydeitrunsonwater on January 13th, 2007 07:56 am (UTC)
Thank you!