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03 November 2006 @ 02:21 pm
Episode Seven, Act Two & Tag - "I Only Have Eyes For You"  
ACT TWO

SCENE BUMPER

Daytime - Fez & Kelso's apartment

Brooke is holding Betsy, who is falling asleep. Kelso is grabbing a blanket from his bedroom for her and holds it up.

KELSO : What do you think?

BROOKE : I think we're never leaving her alone with Mr. Forman again. Did you see how he automatically called Fez instead of actually taking care of her?

KELSO : Right, but... I was talkin' about the blanket.

Brooke looks to see that it's a "Spider-Man" blanket and grins.



BROOKE : Michael. Don't you like any of the cute little ones that I brought with me?

KELSO : Yeah, but this is "Spider-Man"! (beat) You know. "Spider-Man"!

BROOKE : All right, all right. (Kelso comes and wraps Betsy in it, sitting next to Brooke) This is your blanket, isn't it?

KELSO : (shifty) No...

Brooke kisses him and shakes her head, and they both realize Betsy is completely asleep. They stand and walk to Kelso's bedroom, quietly, to put her down until the door flies open and Fez enteres the apartment.

FEZ : What a glorious day!

Besty starts crying.

FEZ : I have made twenty American dollars and also burned Red at the same time! (He looks at Betsy) What the hell is wrong with her now?

KELSO : (angry) Nothing was wrong until you showed up!

FEZ : Oh, that cannot be. Betsy loves her Uncle Fez.

Brooke walks over to him and Betsy's crying gets louder. She pulls Betsy away and the crying stops. She gets ready to hand Betsy to Fez, and the baby starts crying again.

BROOKE : (sighing) Michael, I'll be in your bedroom with her.

She walks through his bedroom door and shuts it. Kelso looks at Fez.

KELSO : Man, you are ruining one of the best days of my life!

FEZ : How?

KELSO : I... (can't think of how) I don't know! But when I do, you're SO dead!

FEZ : Fine.

KELSO : Fine!

FEZ : Fine!

Fez leaves through the front door just as Brooke comes out of the bedroom.

BROOKE : Michael, we can't stay here. If you want us to move out...

KELSO : I'll take care of it. (she looks dubious) I will! I'm gonna go to the Formans'. (kisses her) Just, uh, stay out of Fez's room.

BROOKE : I sort of figured that out the first time he walked out of his room naked and looking for the olive oil.

SCENE BUMPER

Daytime - Department Store

Kitty and Donna are waiting outside a dressing room for Eric. When he comes out, he's dressed in a leisure suit that Fez might wear. Donna tries not to laugh.

KITTY : Oh. Well. That certainly looked different on the rack...

ERIC : Mom, can't I pick out my own clothes? Or, better yet, can't we go shopping for Donna?

DONNA : Sorry, Eric. I went shopping for clothes with your mom last week. (Kitty & Donna smile at each other)

ERIC : What? How? Why? I...

DONNA : Because I didn't want to shop with Jackie, and because we all know what sort of outfits you'd pick out for me if I went with you.

Eric looks defeated, just as Fenton approaches and wrinkles his nose.

FENTON : Why, that outfit is almost as small and tacky as the ring you bought for her. (gestures to Donna) Don't tell me you took him back after you returned that little number.

Donna looks highly upset. Kitty walks up to Fenton, quite pissed off by now.

KITTY : You listen here you big... (beat) little man! My son is the most thoughtful, generous boy in the world!

ERIC : (quietly) Thanks, Mom.

KITTY : (isn't done) And you? You are a meanie! A meanie who has no love in his life and feels the need to pick on poor teenagers to make himself feel better!

ERIC : Uh, Mom?

KITTY : (still going) Well, I'm going to tell you something, mister. People say my husband is mean, but you are worse because he does it out of love but you do all of this... (gestures around the store) because YOU HAVE NO SOUL!

DONNA : (to Eric) Did your mom forget to take her menopause pills?

KITTY : (to Fenton) You will die a bitter, old, lonely man and NO ONE WILL MISS YOU! Now apologize to these two nice kids. (beat) APOLOGIZE!!!

FENTON : (crying, to Eric & Donna) I'm so sorry!

Fenton runs off as Kitty begins to calm down. Eric and Donna just stare at her.

KITTY : I'm going to go get some fresh air. (laughs) I'll be back in a jiffy!

Kitty leaves through the front door and Eric is in shock. Donna still looks upset. He wraps an arm around her and rubs it up and down her arm.

ERIC : Hey. Hey, it's okay. I'm fine, Donna.

DONNA : I'm not upset about you, dillhole. It's me!

ERIC : What? Why? (beat) Wait, you don't mean what he said about the wedding ring, do you?

DONNA : Look Eric, we had plans. And yeah, we rushed into the wedding. We're too young. We're going to college. But since you've been back, we haven't talked about what we're going to do at college, where we're going to live... it's like you came back and I'm expected to just pick everything up right where we left off. And I can't do that, Eric.

Eric pulls her down on a bench and sits with her.

ERIC : No, no, you're right. I guess... I guess I just figured we'd try and get an apartment in Madison, like we had planned before.

DONNA : Yeah? Well, next time tell me that so I don't freak out, okay?

ERIC : Okay.

There's a moment of quiet between them before she looks at him and sighs.

DONNA : Also? It might be nice if we had some time. Together. (beat) Alone.

ERIC : But, we're alone right now and... (he finally gets it) Oh.

They both look at each other nervously.

ERIC : (mischievously) Well, I have to get out of this suit somehow.

DONNA : Wait, here?

ERIC : Why not? You've been making me wait forever since I got back to--

DONNA : Oh, no, mister. You're the one who's been making me wait.

They look around. No one's there. They both scramble into the dressing room door and lock it behind them.

SCENE BUMPER

THE CIRCLE

ERIC : Well. You can all stop making jokes now because Donna and I finally did it. Oh yes. In public, no less. Yeah, we're back where we were and everything's perfect.

HYDE : You only THINK you're back where you were, Forman. That's how they trap you.

KELSO : Well, I'm not trapped! I told Brooke I loved her, and she said it back, and she's gonna move back out here!

HYDE : (shaking his head) And you think you're not trapped?

KELSO : Nah! I was trapped when I was datin' your sister, though! (he moves his arm out of the way before Hyde can frog him)

FEZ : Wait. Everyone here has a woman except me. (pouts, then looks to where Hyde is sitting) Oh, can I date your sister?

HYDE : NO! (frogs Fez)

ERIC : You married MY sister!

KELSO : Yeah, and I slept with her. (beat) Both of them. Of their sisters, in case you didn't get what I was sayin'...

HYDE : We GOT it, Kelso.

FEZ : (beat) I do not see what the problem is. No one is dating Angie. (is frogged my Hyde again) Ay!

ERIC : I'm just so glad things are working out finally. We're really going to do it. We're going to find our apartment again and we're going to make it work.

KELSO : Lucky bastard. (looks at Fez)

FEZ : What? I am not dating YOUR sister.

HYDE : You're not dating MINE, either.

FEZ : (deviously) Isn't she in Milwaukee?

ERIC : Fez, I wouldn't...

We only see arms and legs fly as the table is knocked over. We hear Kelso laughing as Eric just sits in his chair, nodding his head a few times.

ERIC : I warned you.

SCENE BUMPER

Daytime - The Pinciotti's Living Room

Donna is holding Betsy, while Brooke and Jackie are sitting on the couch.

BROOKE : Thanks for letting us come over here, Donna.

DONNA : It's okay. I figured you and Kelso were getting tired of that tiny bedroom of his.

JACKIE : Eww, Donna, do we have to hear about them doing it?

Brooke just stares at Jackie, who finally gets it.

JACKIE : Oh. Whatever. Your problems aren't as big as mine. Christine St. George is a bitch!

Donna sits down.

DONNA : Well, what happened? Usually if I have any troubles with my boss, I just talk to him and tell him why I'm upset.

JACKIE : Yeah. I tried that, Donna, and she's freakin' insane! She keeps saying she's going to fire me if I do anything wrong and it's my first day!

BROOKE : Sounds pretty irrational.

JACKIE : Did you miss the part where I said she was 'freakin' insane'?!? (sighs) I don't know what to do. It's my dream job and I'm screwing it up already. This day couldn't get any worse.

Donna and Brooke look at each other. Donna grins and hands Betsy to Jackie.

JACKIE : Eww, I don't want to hold her! (she holds Betsy out in front of her as far away as possible) Take her back!

Brooke takes Betsy back and rocks her as Jackie glares at Donna.

DONNA : Sorry. But on the bright side, doesn't your job seem better now?

JACKIE : (sighs) Yeah, a little. (beat) So have you and Eric done it yet?

Donna looks embarrassed, and Brooke looks confused.

DONNA : Jackie!

BROOKE : But I thought you two...?

DONNA : It's a long story.

JACKIE : Eric went to Africa, came back, and they'd only made it to second base last I heard.

DONNA : Or not so long.

BROOKE : Oh. (beat as she grins) The stacks at the library are pretty quiet...

DONNA : Brooke, you didn't!

BROOKE : You're talking to the girl who got pregnant in the bathroom of a concert.

JACKIE : (to Donna) Actually, she's right. Public places might be the way to get things going for you again.

DONNA : Well... (blushes)

JACKIE : You ACTUALLY did it? In public? (pats Donna on the knee) I'm so proud of you!! Now when you do it in a dressing room? Get back to me because I have some tips for you.

SCENE BUMPER

Night - The Formans' Kitchen

Bob and Red are sitting at the table, eating. Kitty is finishing up the last bits of brownies she's been baking and sets them in front of the two of them.

BOB : Thanks for inviting me over, guys.

KITTY : Oh, it's no problem, Bob! It's my pleasure to say "thank you" for taking care of the little baby while I was out today!

RED : (sarcastic) Yeah. We had a blast.

The men start eating the brownies, and Kitty just laughs.

KITTY : Just think. Someday, that could be us babysitting our OWN little grandchild!

Both Red and Bob begin coughing up the brownies.

RED : Not anytime soon, Kitty.

KITTY : Well... maybe, but our kids are going to be moving away from us for college.

BOB : (realizing) Soon. And I'll be alone. (looks to Red) You wanna spend some time with me in that RV I was talking about before?

RED : No. I want Eric out of the house, and...

KITTY : What about that check, Red? From Muffler Masters?

BOB : What check?

There's quiet as they all sit and think about their kids.

BOB : Donna's so excited about school.

KITTY : (trying not to cry) So's Eric.

RED : Oh, hell, are you two going to cry?

KITTY : No.

BOB : Maybe.

Kitty and Bob both start crying and hugging each other, as Red gets up and walks away through the living room door.

BOB : (through his tears) You know, Kitty, the baby didn't like Red at all!

KITTY : (sniffling) I know. Eric and Laurie were the same with him.

RED : (offstage) It's because they were both dumbassess!

Kitty pats Bob on the arm.

KITTY : (whispering) He's crying too. Don't worry.

RED : (sniffling) I heard that!

END ACT TWO

CUT TO COMMERCIALS

TAG

Night - The Basement

Hyde is sitting in his usual chair, watching T.V. Fez is sitting on the couch, playing with a yo-yo. They're not looking at each other.

FEZ : You need to talk to me sooner or later.

HYDE : No. I don't.

FEZ : Yes. You do!

Hyde finally looks at Fez, a little pissed off.

HYDE : Fez, you snuck into the record store just to find out Angie's new phone number.

FEZ : And I called her up! I don't see the problem.

HYDE : The problem is that you do NOT get to date my sister!

FEZ : Oh-ho, and who makes that decision, hmm? You or your sister?

HYDE : ME!!

Hyde turns back to watching T.V. and there's a moment of silence.

FEZ : Kelso did it with her.

HYDE : And now she's in a different city where he can't touch her ever again.

FEZ : But he loves Brooke! If he loves her now, then what is the the big deal? (beat) Fez needs some love too.

HYDE : (looking at Fez again) Fez, there are three rules guys follow when it comes to chicks. The first rule is don't steal your best friend's girl.

FEZ : But you did that.

HYDE : Yeah, but... (beat) Okay, the second rule is don't cheat on your girl.

FEZ : But you did that, too.

HYDE : (frustrated) And the last rule is DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR FRIEND'S SISTER!

Fez nods like he understands. There's a pause.

FEZ : So, if you have done two out of three, then do you get to go ahead and just ignore rule number three?

HYDE : That's it.

Hyde gets up and chases Fez out of the basement to beat him up.

THE END
 
 
 
loonette7 on September 4th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC)
lol I love Fez. :)