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18 January 2007 @ 02:26 pm


Daytime, The Basement

Kelso is doing laundry and eating a popsicle at the same time. Eric is sitting on the couch, looking confused and upset.

KELSO : Okay, so you're sayin' that there's TWO Donnas out there and we didn't know about it?

ERIC : No. Yes. No. (beat) Man, she looked JUST LIKE HER! What the hell was I supposed to do?

KELSO : Grab her ass, like you did.

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08 January 2007 @ 04:14 pm
Act One

Daytime - Formans' Kitchen

Red is sitting, eating some breakfast. Kitty has just finished pouring coffee for herself and seems jumpy (from the previous scene).

RED : What's wrong with you?

KITTY : What? (looks around, laughing)

RED : You! You're all... twitchy.

KITTY : I am... not. I'm... (she holds the coffee up) It's the coffee, Red.

RED : But you just poured that cup.

KITTY : You see! (she waves her hands) It's awful, and and I'm just going to stop right now! (she pours the coffee down the sink and walks through the living room door)

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06 December 2006 @ 11:41 pm
Daytime - The Basement

Hyde is asleep on the couch. Kitty is coming downstairs with some laundry and stops as she sees him.

ERIC : (offscreen) But Mom, I don't see why I need to do my own laundry, too, since you're already--

Eric stops walking down the basement steps and also sees Hyde. Kitty places the laundry aside and walks up to him, nudging his shoulder slightly.

KITTY : Steven? Honey, wake up.

Hyde jumps slightly.

HYDE : I didn't do it! (sees Kitty & Eric) Oh. Hey.

ERIC : Hyde, man, what're you doing sleeping on the couch?

Hyde sits up, putting his sunglasses on, and Eric sits with him.

HYDE : Oh. Jackie. She's sleeping in my room. (looks at Kitty) You guys got mad the last time, so I figured it would be better if I was out here and she had the bed.

KITTY : I don't understand. Why is Jackie sleeping here again and it better be an answer that a mother doesn't mind hearing!

ERIC : Oh, yeah. I guess her mom spent all their money or something.

Hyde nods. Kitty looks upset.

KITTY : She told me before that something was wrong and I made fun of her mother! (she places a hand on her heart) I am a horrible, horrible woman!

HYDE : Don't worry about it, Mrs. Forman. We just gotta find a place for her to stay, though, because I'm not doing this every night. (beat) It messes the 'fro.

ERIC : Fez can't pay for his place alone.

HYDE : I tried that already, Forman. She didn't seem too excited to be living with a guy whose "needs" might bother her during "The Newlywed Game".

KITTY : Well, you've got to get her out of here before your father finds out. (laughs) I'm... I'm just terrible at keeping secrets!

HYDE : (to Eric) What about Donna?

ERIC : Nope. Jackie already said she wouldn't live with Bob again.

HYDE : I hate to say this, but... Kelso? (winces at the thought)

ERIC : Brooke and Kelso barely have enough room in their place for Betsy.

KITTY : Well, Jackie's so tiny, I'm sure they wouldn't notice.

Eric & Hyde just look at Kitty, who laughs.

KITTY : I'm going to go finish breakfast! You? (holds Hyde's face in her hands as she whispers) Get her out of here!

Kitty climbs back upstairs. Eric & Hyde look at each other.

HYDE : Laurie's room?

ERIC : Nope. (beat) The old hotel we worked at?

HYDE : And risk the wrath of Jackie bringing all that crap up again? No way.

There's a moment of silence, until Hyde finally smirks.

HYDE : Guess she'll just have to stay here, then!

JACKIE : (from Hyde's room) Steven? I accidentally broke your new "Led Zeppelin" record!

HYDE : (to Eric) Yeah, she's so outta here.

30 November 2006 @ 11:43 pm

Night, Formans' living room

Bob is laying stretched out on the couch, holding both hands over his stomach and groaning in pain. Red and Kitty enter from the kitchen, each of them holding a bottle of alcohol.

KITTY : (tipsy, mid-sentence as she enters) -- now I'll have to find a new super-emergency special occasion hiding place!

RED : (also a little drunk) Kitty, in the back of the pantry is fine. In the undersized cupboards above the fridge is fine. But what were these doing mixed in with the cleaning fluids?

They don't even notice Bob, who is now groaning loudly.

KITTY : I told you, they're for emergencies. Like uninvited guests. Just like now.

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19 November 2006 @ 11:50 pm
Night - The Mall

We still can't see anything yet.

KELSO : Okay, I'm TOTALLY beginning to freak out here! I gotta get home to Brooke and Betsy, and I'm not gonna go if the zombies come and eat me!

HYDE : Kelso, you've got a gun. Just shoot the damn things.

KELSO : So you admit there are zombies!

The emergency lights come on, and we can see everyone, huddled together.

FEZ : (scared) Ay!

DONNA : It's just the emergency lights. Come on, we can figure our way out of here now.

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13 November 2006 @ 11:34 pm
Night - Formans' Living Room

Red and Kitty are reading with the T.V. on.

BOB : (offscreen) Hey there!

RED : Oh God, can't he find someone else to annoy?

KITTY : Red, honey, be nice.

Bob enters through the dining room door, smiling.

BOB : Well, it's getting late. Looks like the kids'll be back soon!

RED : (not looking up) Uh-huh.

BOB : I was wondering if you wouldn't mind us talking about that RV again.

RED : Sonofa--


Night - The Mall

There's a special evening screening of "Dawn of the Dead" that's just letting out of the movie theater. Not very many people went to it, but the last to leave are Fez, Kelso, Hyde, Eric, Jackie, & Donna. Fez seems a little nervous, wringing his hands every few seconds. Kelso seems paranoid.

HYDE : (to Jackie) I told you the mall was evil.

JACKIE : (scoffs) Please. Those four locked themselves up in a mall and they STILL got eaten by zombies? Obviously they didn't shop at the right stores.

DONNA : But Jackie, they stole guns to protect themselves.

JACKIE : (gestures to Kelso) Michael has a gun. Do you trust him?

There's a general consensus of agreement, as the six walk from the movie theater through the now-empty mall to leave.

DONNA : It was actually a pretty good movie. It talked about racism, commercialism... all right, it got kind of gory, but...

ERIC : But it's no "Star Wars".

HYDE : Man, if I have to hear about that damn movie one more time, I'm gonna hand you over to the zombies myself!

FEZ : Shut up, everyone! Have you not noticed where we are?

JACKIE : (deapan) A mall.

KELSO : Nah, Fez is right. We should get back to the Vista Cruiser before the zombies find us.

HYDE : Kelso, for the last time, there's no such things as Martians, vampires, or zombies. "Dawn of the Dead" is all about how the man is keeping us down! It's about how the government has fallen into anarchy! It's--

KELSO : Oh, there are zombies.

HYDE : No, there's not.

KELSO : Yes. There ARE.

Hyde looks ready to start beating up on Kelso, until Fez gets in the way.

FEZ : Stop it, both of you! (beat, a little scared) Let us go home.

Everyone's quiet as they start walking again.

ERIC : Darth Vader could have SO kicked all those zombies' asses.


Night - The Formans' Living Room

Bob is on the couch with Kitty, who looks tired. Red is in his chair still. The T.V. is off.

BOB : So after Midge, Joanne, and Pammy all left me, I finally figured it would be better for me to go somewhere alone.

RED : (under his breath) Too bad you can't go right now.

BOB : What was that?

RED : Uh... just too bad we can't all go.

BOB : Well, see, that was the point of me getting the RV. Figured you two might want to give it a shot too!

KITTY : Oh. Bob. That's just... (laughs) unusual.

RED : Bob, how about you go on home and wait for Donna to get back before I find myself a reason to...

BOB : (stands, holding out a hand to stop Red) Put a foot in my ass? Hoo-boy, allrighty, then. (salutes) Seeya tomorrow, neighbors!

The lights suddenly go out and it's pitch-black.

BOB : Or not.


Night - The Mall

JACKIE : God, I hate being poor! I can't even shop at any of these stores anymore!

The lights suddenly go out and it's pitch-black here, as well.

HYDE : How's about I steal something for you instead?

JACKIE : Aww! You're so sweet, Steven!

There's a beat, then two female yelps.

DONNA & JACKIE : (in unison) Okay, who's touching my butt?

There's another beat.

HYDE, KELSO, ERIC & FEZ : (in unison) Sorry...


Daytime, Fez & Kelso's apartment

The place is spotless, and someone has set up what looks like a romantic meal on the coffee table. A linen tablecloth covers it, and nice plates and silverware are seen. Kelso comes out of the kitchen with a bucket containing ice and bottles of beer. He places that on the table, and proceeds to light two candles.

KELSO : Candles, check. Alcohol, check. Mrs. Forman's good china, check.

The front door opens, and Fez walks in, annoyed.

FEZ : This better be good, Kelso. I was shampooing Mrs. Feinbaum, and she wasn't wearing a bra.

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Early morning, Fez & Kelso's apartment

Loud music is coming through the closed door of Fez' room. Kelso comes out of his room, hair disheveled, in boxers and a t-shirt. He pounds on Fez' door. The music changes, but nothing else. He pounds again. The music changes again. He pounds a third time. Finally, the door opens.

FEZ : (angry) Will you cut that out? You're making the record skip around!

KELSO : Fez, it's nine o'clock. You know I worked the graveyard shift last night!

FEZ : So what? You're a cop in a graveyard, you can't catch a nap?

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Night - Eric's Bedroom

Everything is seemingly back in order from when we saw it in Season Seven. Eric has just finished unpacking and is wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt, and he takes one more look around before going to sleep. He frowns at the head of his bed.

ERIC : (yells) Mom? Dad? Come quick!

It takes a bit, but Kitty in curlers and a nightgown along with Red in his PJs show up. Kitty looks sleepy. Red just looks mad.

ERIC : Guys, seriously! Look! (gestures frantically)

RED : What the hell is wrong now?

KITTY : Oh, hush, Red. (to Eric) Can this wait until morning?

ERIC : NO! No, it can't! (beat) We've been robbed!

KITTY : What?

Eric gestures again to his headboard.

ERIC : All my G.I. Joes are gone!

KITTY : Oh, honey, of course they are.

ERIC : What?

KITTY : Well, you're a grown man now. So to surprise you, I got rid of all your dolls...


KITTY : (beat) Surprise! (laughs)

Eric looks at her in disbelief, then turns to Red.

RED : You're the one who wanted to move back home, dumbass. You want to be an adult, you're going to get treated like one, starting right now. If not, well, there's a foot just waiting to find a home in your ass!

Eric looks back at Kitty.

KITTY : (laughs) Goodnight!

Red and Kitty leave, and Eric collapses onto his bed as we



Daytime - Fez & Kelso's apartment

Brooke is holding Betsy, who is falling asleep. Kelso is grabbing a blanket from his bedroom for her and holds it up.

KELSO : What do you think?

BROOKE : I think we're never leaving her alone with Mr. Forman again. Did you see how he automatically called Fez instead of actually taking care of her?

KELSO : Right, but... I was talkin' about the blanket.

Brooke looks to see that it's a "Spider-Man" blanket and grins.

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